This is such a hard, hard decision to make. Even though part of the mind says that it's only merciful, and part of the heart knows you're doing it out of love, it doesn't stop the other parts of the heart and mind from screaming. "I'm sorry" just doesn't cover it, and sometimes it seems to lose its power in repeating, but it's hard to think of anything else to say.
I can say, though, that you gave him a life worth living. I've long followed your posts on Plaisir, though I've never been good at commenting, and you gave him so much. Somehow that makes it even harder to accept, in some ways. When we got a dog from the shelter who had been so badly abused that he went into hysterics if you put him on a leash and physically collapsed in fear if you moved too quickly around him, and we were able to love him for only three months, and then he was stricken and we had to make the choice to say goodbye, it felt somehow like we'd failed a trust. Not only had we lost a friend, but he didn't even have a chance to be fully healthy again. And yet, when I look back, I remember the way he actually began to prick his ears up at the end, and the way he stopped flinching when you approached him, and how, in the week before he died, he trotted across the yard with his tail up like a normal dog. I remember that he was happy for at least a little while, and to have given him that... it's a true gift. And we had him for so little time, it can't even compare to what you experienced with Plaisir, and all the love and time you devoted to him. And of course, as other experiences with lifelong four-footed family have have shown, the longer you love them the more wrenching a choice it is to make. But sometimes the alternative... it's just too much.
I wish you hadn't had to go through this, after all the effort, all the love, all the sacrifice and hope. But I admire you for all of it - the sacrifice, the love, and the choice. If that sounds trite, I apologize, because I don't mean it to be. I empathize too strongly to be anything but honest in this. And I guess, in the end, I really do have to just say - I'm so sorry. I hope the memories you keep are good ones.
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Date: 2006-10-28 02:30 am (UTC)I can say, though, that you gave him a life worth living. I've long followed your posts on Plaisir, though I've never been good at commenting, and you gave him so much. Somehow that makes it even harder to accept, in some ways. When we got a dog from the shelter who had been so badly abused that he went into hysterics if you put him on a leash and physically collapsed in fear if you moved too quickly around him, and we were able to love him for only three months, and then he was stricken and we had to make the choice to say goodbye, it felt somehow like we'd failed a trust. Not only had we lost a friend, but he didn't even have a chance to be fully healthy again. And yet, when I look back, I remember the way he actually began to prick his ears up at the end, and the way he stopped flinching when you approached him, and how, in the week before he died, he trotted across the yard with his tail up like a normal dog. I remember that he was happy for at least a little while, and to have given him that... it's a true gift. And we had him for so little time, it can't even compare to what you experienced with Plaisir, and all the love and time you devoted to him. And of course, as other experiences with lifelong four-footed family have have shown, the longer you love them the more wrenching a choice it is to make. But sometimes the alternative... it's just too much.
I wish you hadn't had to go through this, after all the effort, all the love, all the sacrifice and hope. But I admire you for all of it - the sacrifice, the love, and the choice. If that sounds trite, I apologize, because I don't mean it to be. I empathize too strongly to be anything but honest in this. And I guess, in the end, I really do have to just say - I'm so sorry. I hope the memories you keep are good ones.